May 2, 2017

May 2, 2017
Mary with collage and clutter

Tuesday, May 12, 2015

Crushes and Connections

My junior high school assistant basketball coach and I talked recently about the difference between a crush and a strong connection. The discussion arose because my sister told me years ago that I once had “a school girl crush on a motorcycle-riding basketball coach.”

My sister is generally right about things, especially when they’re about me, but I didn’t think I had had a crush on Coach Rose. I thought we had a strong connection. How do I know the difference?

The only person I’m sure I had a crush was Ann (before we became a couple, of course.) I remember the first time I saw her. She had a different lunch period in the high school where we were working than I did, and she stopped by the table where I was eating to give another teacher a home-made chocolate chip cookie. I remember thinking, “I want that woman to give me a cookie.”

At the time, I wasn’t aware that I was a lesbian, and as Ann and I got to be friends, I was constantly poking her, kicking the bottom of her shoe, or jumping out from behind a corner to scare her. I recognized that I was acting like a junior high school boy with a crush, but I didn’t recognize for a long time that this was a crush. (Sister Jen would have known for sure, but she was on the East Coast falling in love herself.)

So I did have a crush on Ann, I’m realizing, and there was a strong connection, too. So the two aren’t mutually exclusive. That makes the knowing even harder. Maybe especially at the time.

Can you help me out with this one? What is the difference between a crush and a strong connection?


I’m flummoxed. And the fact that Coach Rose is interested in exploring this, too, shows that thirty-seven years later we still have a strong connection. Which is just really cool.

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Crushes and Connections Comments

Question: What is the difference between a crush and a connection?

Crushes and Connections Comments

Question: What is the difference between a crush and a connection?

I think a crush is not sustainable without a strong connection. It would fade and fizzle out. Allyson Zerba

Two millimeters. Margaret Anne Cashman

A crush is a flower; love is a garden. Mary Latham

If a crush is mutual, it can become a VERY strong connection If it's not mutual--well,
the crush-er will get over it eventually.
Jane Soder

I think of a crush as a rather private (and often painful!) one-sided affair that one usually experiences in adolescence before you've learned much about yourself and what you want/need in a romantic relationship so you project all sorts of desires and fantasies on to some person you have an attraction to (whether it's hormonal or some other ephemeral affinity, who knows?), while a strong connection comes from both parties and takes time to develop. They aren't mutually exclusive- both people could have crushes on the other which motivates them to get to know each other better to form that strong connection- but, if it is an unrequited crush (or even a requited one in which neither person is brave enough to make a move) than ouch....That's why it's called a crush-it hurts! So I guess I'd say that having a crush is being in love with the idea of being in love with one's romanticized idea of another person, whereas a strong connection necessarily takes time to develop and requires experience and respect-both for one's self, and the other party. Danielle WhoDatb

Agree with the crush definition, but I think strong connections can sometimes happen relatively quickly, and don't necessarily have a romantic component - just authentic, open sharing. Rita Smith

crush-idealized, one sided relationship where the best parts of what you think are present in another person may or may not be there

connection-possibly more mutual, a relationship based on 1 or more events/issues both real and imagined, regarding the other person/object/ A connection could be one sided as well, which might make it difficult to differentiate from a crush (except a crush tends to be more idealized and fantasy-based,) Solely my opinion, and too wordy. Jennifer Gotto

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