In recent
years, my dad has written an annual Christmas letter, but he doesn’t check his facts,
so he tends to get a lot of grief from the family. I always look forward to
seeing what he’s going to make up and how much grief he’s going to get. This
year, I’ve suggested that he just make the whole thing up, and I’ve written my
own letter as a model for him.
Dear friends,
It’s been a
busy year! We don’t want to brag, but we do want to let you know how fabulous
we are.
My partner
Ann and I continue to thrive in Seattle, Despite my disabilities, I am playing
running back for Seattle's new professional women's football team. (I want to
be in The Seattle Times, and the
likeliest way to be in this paper is to play football.)
Ann is a cheerleader,
and loves to do backflips from the top of a pyramid. She recently received
the prestigious "Pom Pom of the Year Award." Perhaps you have seen
her in American Cheerleader: http://www.americancheerleader.com (Notice her in the photo that accompanies
the article, “But I’m a Cheerleader.”)
In our spare
time, we are working for Donald Trump’s presidential campaign. Our goal is to
increase the number of lesbians voting for Donald Trump. Right now we’re at
three, but we can’t share their names because of threats of humiliation.
In our
neighborhood, we have been working hard to eliminate recycling. Late the night
before trash pick up, we go around the neighborhood moving recycling into trash
bins. We’ve had a few ugly run-ins with raccoons, but I think our campaign is
beginning to take off.
Our 95 year
old neighbor Annabella has been tutoring us in coding once a week. We will soon
launch our own app: Free Taxis.
We hope you and yours are also working to change the world, this nation, and your neighborhood. Merry
Christmas!
Love,
Mary (without
Ann’s awareness)
That's the best one I've ever read! As Miss Smisson would say, "Bravo! ###"
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