Resolved

Last Sunday, I went to church pissed. My little church was one of the first Methodist churches in the country to celebrate, not just “accept” gay people, and the sanctuary has been a home for me for decades. My congregation prayed for me when my brain tumors were diagnosed. From this congregation, I made friends in a rural Salvadoran community. My partner and I became wife and wife there. 

Last week, the international Methodist church voted to maintain language in the Book of Discipline that says “Homosexuality is not compatible with Christian teaching.” The international body increased penalties for pastors who are found to be gay or perform gay union ceremonies. 

I argued years ago, when a lesbian coming out committed suicide, that our church should separate from the larger church. How could we remain part of an unjust organization? I was told our church needed to remain part of the larger organization in order to change the larger church from the inside. 

It’s true that the Western conference to which our church belongs embraces those of us who are LGBTQIA+. In fact, at the end of the General Conference which just occurred, the final proclamation came from our bishop, asserting that the Western Conference would continue to defy the larger church’s rules. 

The worry among many Methodists in the years leading up to this decision was that the church would split over “the gay issue.” If that happened, the argument went, U.S. connections to African and Pilipino churches, to their people and ways of understanding the world, would be severed.

It occurred to me in an after-church report on the conference that we are already split. The question, it seems to me, is not a spiritual one so much as a legal one. Will we continue to be part of an unjust system, or will we break away. To quote our church’s much-revered Cecil Taylor, “We must save our souls.” We must break away. 

That’s what I think now. I’m not pissed. I’m resolved. 

It’s true that separating will be complicated. Who will separate? Will churches leave individually, or will the more liberal churches leave together to create a new denomination? Will our church keep our property? Will retired pastors still have their pensions? What will happen to LGBTQIA+ members of more conservative churches and conferences? 

Each of those questions is big, and I don’t know the answers. I can’t even guess at them. The only thing that seems clear to me is that our international church has already split. Our divorce seems inevitable. And necessary.

I wonder if one day I’ll say the same about our nation. I pray not, but I wonder.