April 2018

Thursday, May 6, 2010

NL #14: Hmmm.

NL #14: Today I made my first visit to a naturopath, but the visit was disappointingly normal. Before going, a colleague told me that his partner had gone to a naturopath and had been given a vial of water to hold over his head while chanting-- as a way of warding off egg allergies.

A few years ago, my friend Marie, struggling with fatigue, went to a different naturopath in the same institute I visited. Her naturopath was working with an intern. Marie described the conversation, which went something like this:

Intern: Do you like vegetables with stems, like brocolli or asperagus?
Marie: I guess so . Sure.
The intern looks up at the doctor, turns to a page in an official looking tome, scans the page and asks Marie a new question that seems to be spurred by the tome.
Intern: Do you fear having things around your neck, like scarves or turtlenecks?
Marie: Well, no. I"m not afraid, but I don't really like having things around my neck.
The intern looks at the article, scanning with her finger. Her eyebrows raise as she finds something of import on the page. She looks up at the doctor. They both say, "Hmmm," and the doctor nods in approval, as if the two have had some secret communication. The intern flips vigorously through the tome.
Intern: Are you a jealous person?
Marie: Well, I guess I can be jealous.
Again, the intern nods and raises her eyebrows. The intern makes eye contact with the doctor and they both nod. They have discovered something here. The intern scans the article, moving down the page with her finger. The intern's head and the doctor's head get closer as they read. They both say, "Hmmm," and the doctor nods in approval.
The dfoctor says, "I am prescribing snake venom. Drink it once a day."

Marie got better, started wearing turtlenecks, and gave up her jealousy. From time to time she slips out of her skin, but generally she's back to normal.

My prescription: Vitamin D, fish oil, gargling strong black tea. No snake venom. No chant. No tome.

I hope I get better. Mary

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