NL #33: Friends of partners and caregivers

NL #33: Today is the third in a series of three intended especially for those facing life-changing disease and the people who love them. One of the partners in my online support group, Marcia Hale, whose husband John passed two months ago, shared these thoughts about advice for friends of partners:

Don't stop trying to get the partner to go out.
Offer to make a meal and bring it over and share it with them at their house if they can't get out.
Don't forget to ask the caregiver how they are.
Offer to pick up stuff for them when you are going to the store.
If you do not know what to say, then how about just, "Hi."
Remember, this disease is not contagious.
If they have a dog offer to take it for a walk: you have no idea how that would help.

As the person with the tumors, I thank everyone who supports both Ann and me. Ann's mental health is important to me (and not just because she's the one doing all the chores right now.)

And a few thoughts from me for the neighbors:

Consider the ramifications of your decisions on the healing for someone who has been in the hospital. If you live next door to someone who just returned home from brain surgery, for example, don't throw loud parties, purchase new puppies to leave in the yard or start a major remodelling project. All that thumping and yipping and hammering gives a person a headache.

If the person has disabilities, leave parking that's easily accessible to them available for them to use. I've been asking the city for one of those disabled parking spaces now for two years. Fortunately, the neighbors are generous about leaving it for me anyway. Also, keeping sidewalks clean and clear of brambles helps on those early walks. (Not everyone has a mom like I do who walks around the block with her sheers.)

Thoughtful gestures like cut flowers on the front porch and fresh eggs from your hens mean a lot.

Mary